Tyra's OLD BDay Pic
Yesterday, I CELEBRATED my 38th Birthday! As I started my day, it began with relaxation and then I started reflecting on me. So much has changed within me and around me and when it came to my past. I realized that I was ugly on the inside, just plain miserable on the outside, and damaged goods. I had low self esteem and I couldn’t forgive. Then I had the ordasity to have malice, self hatred, rejection, resentment in my heart and I didn’t KNOW how to TRULY love me. The one thing that really stuck out to me as I was self examining, was the fact that I’m NOT the same Tyra I was last year, or ten years ago. Yes, I’ve always had a good heart and tried to treat people the way I wanted to be treated. I’ve always tried to love my family and friends with everything in me. And last but not least, I’ve always tried to live a life that is pleasing unto God. But there was still something missing, and deep down inside I knew there was so much more to me then what the eye could see. And it was up to me to get to the surface and the root of what was really going on within me. My past was full of trials, tribulations, heartbreak, heartaches, pain, & self hatred. To be honest with you I’ve done it all, self medicated myself with cocaine because it made me numb, drunk myself to an oblivion state to forget, and used sex to manipulate men in helping me feel good about myself. NONE of those things had a lasting effect, as a matter of fact and to be honest with you again they really made me feel worse. For some reason instead of looking deep within, we look for temporary fixes. Whether it’s a man, shopping, eating, sex, or other temp services, nothing will be able to fix you until you’re HONEST & OPEN with SELF & GOD. I will never forget that day that I literally stripped naked, looked in the mirror, told God what I saw, & asked Him what He saw. I have to be honest with you it wasn’t easy being honest about self. Who wants to call themselves broken, backbiter, lier, gossiper, cheater, thief, filthy,fornicator, adulterer, murderer, mean, unkind, unloving, arrogant, stubborn, or etc. I know I didn’t, BUT I’m GLAD I did even though it didn’t feel good, I knew it would soon pay off. Then to top it off, NOW I have to hear what GOD thoughts are about me? You see, it didn’t matter to Him that I could sing or I was gifted. He didn’t even care about how many Church services I attended, or how many ministries I was in, NOR how much tithes & offerings I payed. He was concerned about MY HEART & MOTIVES. After listening to Him for an hour or so, the tears wouldn’t stop falling and I was so ashamed of how I made Him feel. I KNEW from that day forward that I had to rid myself of the carnal mindset of victim, some people, and something’s. I KNEW that I had to start making better decisions and choices for Tyra. I KNEW that GOD had amazing plans for me, however, one couldn’t tell because whatever it was had been hidden underneath layers of hurt, pain, and fear. How does one began to dig out of the pit that was created by self and fed daily by others? FIRST, You START with repenting for thinking you had all the answers, but truthfully you really didn’t want the answers that really mattered. Then you start getting to the root of every emotion you’ve ever felt. Next, you learn to master the spirit of offense because offense will leave you stagnate and caught up on people. Last but not least, you LEARN to TRULY LOVE YOU. Some would say, “I’ve changed” while others may say “She’s acting funny”……I simply say “I’m Evolving”. We must understand that nothing or no one stays the same….either you “Evolve” or you stay stuck. I CHOOSE to EVOLVE & It FEELS GREAT ~Tyra

I Want To KNOW How Are YOU Evolving?! #LetsTalkAboutIT

Tyra BDay Pic

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16 replies on “She’s EVOLVING and It Feels GREAT”

  • Mia

    I love your honesty. Most ppl are not honest to others or themselves. I have tried so hard to listen to God and do his will but after other ppl responses I get stuck and start questioning my motives and the old self wants to take over and be mad. I have changed my life style and ppl, but now I’m asking myself after reading THIS have I TRULY renewed my MIND? Are these just TEST from good to teach me. Everyday I’m walking into hell at work but GOD told me to transfer, so he ain’t never wrong. How do we actually evolve? Do I love me? Yes. I’m learning to not put me on the back burner. I’m learning how to respond to my children as they are getting old. I love my husband as I should, and I’m loving others but beast mode kicks in when I feel threatened which is my way of protecting my heart. I truly want to go to heaven and be let in…. this is my heart and my journey… my journey to evolving completely. I need to let this heavy heart go because it’s weighing me down.

    • tyrahill2014

      [email protected] it’s your survival skill that puts you in beast mode. Remember, YOU’RE NOT the same person you were when you operated in that mode. You’re no longer surviving…..YOU’RE Living the life GOD has blessed you with. Thank You for being open & honest…..you started on your new journey when you decided to TALK ABOUT IT because NOTHING happens until SOMETHING is SPOKEN!!

      • Stephanie

        Wow! I really want to meditate on all that you shared so I can dig deep as I work on my own evolution. Thank you for blessing me with your honesty.

        • tyrahill2014

          Stephanie “The Change I want to see had to 1st start with me”…..I salute you my Sista & we’re in this together!

      • Mia

        I’m not the same person. I’m new.I’m New.I’m New. I’m destined to do God work, I’m above and not beneath, I’m off the peculiar ppl and I’m blessed. GOD had my heart.
        Thank you for the encouragement

  • Tanya Howell

    Tyra,this is so inspiring. I love you for your honesty. So many of us are facing those same illnesses and we don’t know where to start or how to ask but after reading this the answer is in front of us. Thank you sister.

    • tyrahill2014

      Tanya Irons Sharpens Iron & I NEED my People especially my Sista’s to survive…..Your Welcome Love!

  • Christy Whitner

    Tyra..I applaud you for stepping up to your purpose. You had to go through it to get to it…Every obstacle every strife. .and coming out… A Solider for the Lord you are winner. Many blessings to you.. my soul sister indeed. . Your life is a testimony to many other women. . ..who are going through or have gone through what you have been through. .don’t stop evolving. Love ya..

    • tyrahill2014

      Thank you Christy!I am because of Him and yes my struggle built me….Thank You for reading and commenting!

  • monika brewington

    Tyra u r truly amazing. .u and I have been through similar situations so I know exactly how u felt in the past. I had to hit rock bottom b4 I leared to truly love myself. I was looking for love in men to replace the love I longed for from my father. If I could go back and change my past I most certaily would..but when I think about it, my past made me who I am today. Im so proud of the woman you’ve become and I wish u much success!

    • tyrahill2014

      Monika it’s SISTAS like us that need to share our stories of how me made it. I salute you my Sista for always keeping it real and dealing with those issues within to be the BEST YOU! #URooock

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